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Sweet Mayhem and Queen Watevra's Mishap Adventures/Transcript
Scene 1: In the Cinema * (the films starts with The Lego Movie starting) * Sweet Mayhem: (simultaneously, imitating the music) Whaaaat's on the menu? It could be ceviche, it's stinky—ooh, it's Queen Watevra-aah... * Queen Watevra: I gotta tell ya, Sweet Mayhem... that music always gets me right here * Sweet Mayhem: Yeah, Queen Watevra. (pause) Well, enough of that. (holds up a remote control and begins fast-forwarding through the movies to the second part) * (camera pulls back to show Sweet Mayhem and Queen Watevra in silhouette in a row of theater seats, Mystery Science Theater 3000-style) * Queen Watevra: Uh... Sweet Mayhem? What are you doing? * Sweet Mayhem: I'm fast-forwarding to the part where we come in! * Queen Watevra: (aghast) But you can't go out of order! * Sweet Mayhem: Au contraire, my porcine pal. I've got the remote! * Queen Watevra: But everyone's gonna get confused! (grabs a second, bigger remote) We gotta go back to the beginning of the story. * (Queen Watevra begins rewinding the second part to The Lego Movie) * Sweet Mayhem: We're not in the beginning of the story! * (Sweet Mayhem pauses The Lego Movie on Unikitty, with a meow; the movie begins fast-forwarding again) * Queen Watevra: Yes, we were the whole time! * (Queen Watevra rewinds; the film reverses on a shot of Bruce Wayne looking in bewilderment after Barbara saying "It takes a village, not a Batman," with a squawk of confusion) * Sweet Mayhem: Yeah, But they don't know that! (indicates the audience; switches the movie direction again, on Dick Grayson, with a random sound) * Queen Watevra: Then why don't we tell them our story? * (Queen Watevra pauses the movie on a scary close-up of Clayface; Sweet Mayhem and Queen Watevra both shriek and dive under their seats) * Sweet Mayhem: (slowly re-emerging) Hey, I got an idea. Why don't we tell them our story? * Queen Watevra: Oh! Now I like the sound of that! * Sweet Mayhem: A little backstage tour. Take 'em behind the scenes for a revealing and intimate look at the story within the story! * Queen Watevra: Because what they don't know is how we really were there even though they didn't know we were there, you know? * Sweet Mayhem: Couldn't have said it better myself! * (Sweet Mayhem rewinding The Lego Batman Movie to The Lego Movie) * Queen Watevra: So does this mean we're going back to the beginning? * Sweet Mayhem: (melodramatically) Oh, no, Queen. No. We're going way back to before... The beginning. * (the sunrise plays backwards, looking like a sunset) Scene 2: Heartlake City * (the screen goes black along with drumbeats; the title "The Lego Movie" crashes onto the screen, followed by words Sweet Mayhem, then and Queen Watevra's, then Mishap Adventures. Cracks appear across the screen image, and the black screen shatters and falls from the field of view in fragments, leaving a view of Bricksburg in daylight) * Queen Watevra: (reverently) Bricksburg. * Sweet Mayhem: So majestic. * Queen Watevra: So powerful. * Sweet Mayhem: So... Bizarrely named? * (Sweet Mayhem pauses the movie; the silhouettes and the seatbacks appear again) * Sweet Mayhem: Queen Watevra, how can a town be bricks? It's just made out of bricks! * Queen Watevra: Well, I think it's because "people" is what they call a group of minifigures. * Sweet Mayhem: Oh, sure, the minifigures get Bricksburg. And what about us mini-dolls? Where I come from we didn't have nothing' to be proud of. Why: (clears throat; singing) When I was a young mini-doll... * Queen Watevra: (singing) When she was a young mini-doll...! * (Queen Watevra blows Sweet Mayhem off her seatback) * Sweet Mayhem: (peevishly) Very nice. * Queen Watevra: Thanks! * Sweet Mayhem: But maybe it'd be safer if I just show 'em where I came from. * Queen Watevra: Oh! Do we get to see where you grew up? * Sweet Mayhem: Yeah, Queen, but it ain't pretty. (clicks the remote; the view of Bricksburg switches to a full-screen shot) Please remain seated while the camera is in motion. * (the camera does a super-high-speed truck-out from Bricksburg, past Gotham City, Ninjago City, Radiator Springs, Pizza Planet, underwater, the desert, and finally stopping at Heartlake City) * Sweet Mayhem: Here we are: from Bricksburg to a peaceful town. We're so bored we had to move! But you don't have to take my word for it. I'll just let my fellow mini-dolls do the talking. * ("Everything Is Awesome" music begins, while Anna is looking for her daughter) * Anna (Lego Friends): Sweet! Excuse me. Have you seen my daughter? Has she been through here? Sweet! (finds her husband) Peter? (pokes him) * Peter (Lego Friends): (spooked) Aaaah! * Anna (Lego Friends): Peter, relax. Have you seen Sweet Mayhem? * Peter (Lego Friends): (pleased with himself) No, I haven't, and what a day it's been! No fractures, no lacerations, no concussions, contusions or injuries of any sort. As a matter of fact, there's no sign of Sweet's handiwork anywhere! * (the house cracks and then comes crashing down around them, light streaming in all around; finally there's nothing left of the house but a ring of bricks held up on a narrow protrusion, with Sweet Mayhem standing under it) * Peter (Lego Friends): (fuming) That... Would be... SWEET MAYHEM! * Sweet Mayhem: (embarrassed) Heh heh heh. Hey, everybody! * Mini-doll #1: (sarcastically) Ha ha. Nice work, Mayhem. * Mini-doll #2: Way to go, brick klutz. * Mini-doll #3: Who else could break a home? * Mini-doll #4: Four in a week, a new record! * Anna (Lego Friends): (quietly despairing) Not again... * Sweet Mayhem: What? (defiantly) It's called a "skylight!" * (the "skylight" crumbles to nothing) * Anna (Lego Friends): (trying to salvage the situation) Ho ho. Wow! Isn't that creative. A skylight! Oh, ha ha. (seeking discretion as the better part of valor) I'll just have a word with her. * (Anna leads Sweet Mayhem away from the scene of the collapse) * Sweet Mayhem: I... I was just trying to shed a little light on our pathetic existence. * Anna (Lego Friends): Sweet, this can't go on. Just this month, you've pulled down four walls and collapsed two exits. (combs Sweet Mayhem's hair) We have to look after each other. Our survival depends on it. * Sweet Mayhem: What's the point? All we do is run so we can hide, and hide so we can run. * (Anna finishes combing her hair, which "poofs" up into a bunch of spikes) * Sweet Mayhem: I wanna be where we don't have to run houses and live with our bodies stuck in the brick. (pushes some grass apart and gazes out over the horizon) What's so bad about dreaming of a better home? * Anna (Lego Friends): (joins her at the gap in the trees) I wanna show you something. Look, Sweet. Go on, look. * (camera pulls back to a panoramic view of the fields in all their golden-lit majesty) * Anna (Lego Friends): Look out to the horizon, past the trees, over the grasslands. Everything the light touches... (sharply) Belongs to someone else! * (a record needle scratches; the trees snap back together and block the view) * Sweet Mayhem: Funny. I thought you were going a whole different direction with this. * (camera cuts back to Sweet Mayhem and Anna behind the trees) * Anna (Lego Friends): What can I say? It's nature's design. * Peter (Lego Friends): (appears out of the grass suddenly) She's right! We're food for dinosaurs, a movable feast. Feared by no one and eaten by all! * Sweet Mayhem: But when they die, they become the grass. And we eat the grass... Right? * Peter (Lego Friends): Not exactly; we don't digest grass. We're grass intolerant. * Anna (Lego Friends): (snatches Sweet Mayhem away) Ok, Peter. Thank you. You've been a big help. (to Sweet Mayhem) Sweetie, I... * Peter (Lego Friends): (appearing out of another stand of trees) People! it's what dinosaurs eat! * Anna (Lego Friends): (increasingly sarcastic; pointing meaningfully off into the distance) Thank you, Peter. * Peter (Lego Friends: (groans at the camera) Uhh. (disappears) * Sweet Mayhem: I think dad dislodged one too many rocks with his skull. * Anna (Lego Friends): But he's right, Sweet. * (Anna tries to comb her hair again; a bug flies by, and she snatches it and squishes it into hair gel) * Anna (Lego Friends): Oh, I just know there's a way for you to fit in here. * (Sweet Mayhem glowers from under her plastered-down hair; a single hair springs back up, and she sighs) * Peter (Lego Friends): (off-screen, to other mini-dolls) All right, who's on sentry duty? * Anna (Lego Friends): (perks up with inspiration; gasps) That's it! That's it! My daughter on sentry duty! Sweet Mayhem the sentry! * (cut to Peter being told of this idea) * Peter (Lego Friends): (in horrified shock) Sweet Mayhem the sentry?! Why don't you save the dinosaurs the trouble and kill me now? Just kill me now! * Sweet Mayhem: He has a point. * Anna (Lego Friends): All you have to do is watch for dinosaurs and yell if you see one. Look at your uncle. * Sweet Mayhem's uncle: (in the middle of a nervous breakdown) Don't close your eyes! Don't look away! Somebody's gotta guard us! Somebody's gotta protect us! * (Sweet Mayhem's unnamed uncle breaks up in sobs as a couple of meerkat orderlies carry him away, raving, from his post) * Sweet Mayhem: Well. Now I'm convinced. * Anna (Lego Friends): Listen, it's outside, up in the breeze, under the wide open sky. Isn't that what you want? (to Max) Or maybe you would rather have her go back on the construction crew. * Peter (Lego Friends) and everyone: NO! * (camera switches to the entire group of mini-dolls, listening intently, and now pretending nonchalance and clearing their throats) * Anna (Lego Friends): Good... Then we all agree. Sweet, listen to Peter. He'll teach you everything you need to know. And honey, (earnestly) try to make this one work. Scene 3: Sweet Mayhem the Sentry/Dinosaurs Attack * (the camera cuts to the lookout rock, under a small tree. Peter is demonstrating the duties of the sentry) * Peter (Lego Friends): Scurry, sniff, flinch! Scurry, sniff, flinch! * (Sweet Mayhem is unimpressed and rolls her eyes) * Peter (Lego Friends): Scurry, sniff, flinch! Good. Now... what do we do if we see a dinosaur? * Sweet Mayhem: Scream "Mommy!". * Peter (Lego Friends: That's right! Because the world out there is fraught with danger. Fraught, I tell you! * Sweet Mayhem: (aside, to the camera, over Peter; sarcastically) Oh, boy. It's the Fraught Fest. * Peter (Lego Friends): (furiously pantomiming) Even all bloodthirsty dinosaurs are waiting to rip us limb from limb! * Sweet Mayhem: (applauding sarcastically) Bravo, dad. Way to sell it to the cheap seats. * Peter (Lego Friends): (in Sweet Mayhem's face) Applaud now, kid. (quiet and severe) But try clapping when you don't have any hands! (turns and leaves) * (Sweet Mayhem gulps, looking at her hands. Then she takes up her position on the rock) * Sweet Mayhem: Scurry, sniff, flinch. Scurry, sniff, flinch. * (marimbas begin; Sweet Mayhem starts to get into it) * Sweet Mayhem: Huh... I like the sound of that. Scurry, sniff, flinch. * (Sweet Mayhem begins dancing more and more flamboyantly) * Sweet Mayhem: Scurry, sniff, flinch. Scurry, sniff, flinch. Scurry, sniff, flinch! * (the "That's All I Need" song begins) * Sweet Mayhem: (singing) There's more to life than panic And being some other guy's snack—ew. * (the three dinosaurs pop up from behind a rock in the background, then disappear again) * Sweet Mayhem: (singing) I may be delicious, organic But this little entree's fighting back! I'm gonna put hiding places behind me And live at a new altitude I'm gonna reach for the stars to remind me That mini-dolls are not merely food! For once I'll be... (steps onto a cloud and surfs into a fantasy waterfall setting) Lookin' out for me... yeah! I'll tell you what I want This cat is movin' on He's a bon vivant Who's missin' out on bon I'd be a bigger cheese Far from the desert scene A little cooling breeze A little patch of green! And I'll be snoozin' in my hammock by a rippling stream Many miles from any tunnel and the digging team Looking after number one will be my only creed That's all I need (slurps up some bugs) That's all I need! (dancing the "Shuffle Off to Buffalo") I've always been good at running' away Well, now I'm gonna run the show-ow I've always been seen as the ultimate prey But now my status ain't so quo! * (the fantasy and the music dissolve as Sweet Mayhem improvises, unaware that the three dinosaurs have surrounded her) * Sweet Mayhem: (improvising) A dream sublime... It's dinosaur time...! * Conner: (clapping) Oh, look it's dinner and a show! * Rocky: And I thought other animals were the only musical food. * The Other One: (incoherently) He-he! * Sweet Mayhem: (turns around and freezes in fear) Di... Di... Di.. * Conner: I'm not gonna die, you are! * (Conner smacks Sweet Mayhem, who goes rolling down the hill) * Sweet Mayhem: (bumps into his dad, Peter) Ow! Okay... * Peter (Lego Friends): There is no horseplaying in this time of day, Sweet Mayhem. You're supposed to be up there on that rock looking out for... * (Peter sees Conner, Rocky and The Other One approaching) * Peter (Lego Friends): Dinosaurs! * (the mini-dolls heard what Peter said and run around in a mad chaotic dash for cover) * Rocky: Whoa, look at 'em scramble. * Conner: And that's just how I like 'em... * (a group of mini-dolls, led by Peter, crash in a line right into Conner's mouth) * Conner: ...Scrambled. (slurps them, lifting Peter into the air) * Peter (Lego Friends): Whoa! * Conner: (sees the whole colony scrambling) ...And a little bit runny. * (the group of mini-dolls goes running by, followed by the laughing dinosaurs, passing Sweet Mayhem who's standing there covering her head) * Mini-dolls: Dinosaurs! * (a hand reaches up and grabs Sweet Mayhem; she strains to stay where she is, but gradually the hand manages to drag her head-first into a hole. It's Anna) * Anna (Lego Friends): Get in here! What are you, a meshugginah? * (The Other One guards a hole, and snaps at a bunch of mini-dolls who jump into it one at a time; he misses all of them, but blocks the hole before Peter can get in) * Anna (Lego Friends): Oh, what a relief. Everybody's... (gasps) Where's Peter? * (Peter is outside, running for his life as the three dinosaurs pursue him) * Peter (Lego Friends): Get away from me! * (Peter makes desperately for a second door entrance, where a bunch of mini-dolls appear and gasp at the sight) * Mini-doll #1: Peter! Run for your life! * Mini-doll #2: Play dead! * Mini-doll #3: Ándale! * Mini-doll #4: Almost there! * (the screen switches suddenly to the first "Cars" movie, where Lightning McQueen and Mater go tractor tipping, in Lego form) * Lightning McQueen on TV: Mater, I'm not doing this. * Mater on TV: Aw, come on- * (Sweet Mayhem and Queen Watevra are back in the silhouetted theater seats) * Sweet Mayhem: Hey, what's going on? Queen, you're sitting on the remote. * Queen Watevra: Huh? Oh, sorry. I thought it was a brownie. (clicks the remote)'' '' * (we switch back to the scene of Peter's impending demise) * Mini-doll #5: You've got it, Peter! * (Peter is overtaken by the dinosaurs; the mini-dolls all shield their eyes as we hear crunching sounds. Switch to the inside of the house, where the mini-dolls stand in shock; suddenly, Peter drops from the ceiling) * Peter: I flinched when I should've scurried. (collapses) Scene 4: Sweet Mayhem Leaves Scene 5: Meet Balthazar Scene 6: Sweet Mayhem and Watevra's first meeting Scene 7: Watevra's "Special Power" Scene 8: Trouble finding Dream Homes Scene 9: Chaos at Cloud Cuckoo Land/The Only Friend Scene 10: Super Cool Scene 11: Parenthood Scene 12: The Snail-Slurping Contest/Susan Grows Up Scene 13: Love Trouble Scene 14: Splitting Up Scene 15: Fighting the Dinosaurs Scene 16: The Grand Finale Deleted Scene 1: Sweet Mayhem Queen Watevra encountering baby Susan Deleted Scene 2: Batgirl chases Queen Watevra __FORCETOC__